Bad Day

...the dentist got a piece of metal stuck in my tooth...

I'm having a bad day. Actually, a bad couple of days. If you count Monday, which I would, a total of 3 bad days in the same week. Not a good thing, lemme tell ya.

Monday I had a root canal. It was supposed to be all one shot, they dig out the tooth, they give me a filling, then I come back later for a cap on the tooth. Then, the dentist got a piece of metal stuck in my tooth. It broke off from one of the tools he used to scrape out my tooth. He says I have to see a specialist to get the piece out. I asked him if it wouldn't be better just to pull the tooth, but since that tooth has such good roots, he didn't want to.

When I left that day it didn't hurt too bad. I went to Crue Fest on Tuesday, had a nice day off on Wednesday, and then it started to hurt a little. As of yesterday it was excruciating. To the point I had to take my yummy liquid vicodin to fix it, and even that didn't really work. A half dose didn't work at all, and a whole dose just numbed it a bit. Enough to make me comfortable.

I couldn't eat. Then on top of all that, I've gained weight. Not alot. Just like, a pound over the last 2 days. I expected to gain a little because, lets face it, I wasn't eating perfectly on my two days off. Not alot of choices at the concert, then the next day was popcorn and stuff because we spent 6+ hours in a movie theater. Though I have to say I did try to cut back on the other food I ate because I knew I was eating alot of popcorn.

I even jumped on the treadmill yesterday for 31 minutes. Today though, I was up .7 lbs. I really shouldn't let it bother me, but combined with the other crap...arg.

So in addition to all that, I got a letter that I was going to be garnished. Now, I haven't mentioned it, because I've been working on my WLS blog more than this one, but I have an appointment with a lawyer today for bankruptcy. I know he's going to fix it, but in the meantime we're down $283 bucks on a check that was already short from time off a few weeks ago. I am not looking forward to telling my BF.

The garnishment is coming from one of my medical bills from last year, which got me to thinking. I have a friend, who also has cancer, (I'll call him Dude) and because he worked for a TV company was able to raise himself a good chunk of change to help cover his medical bills. He even got to go to Disneyland, and he's still asking people for money, and I think he's selling cancer t-shirts too. Now, don't get me wrong, he's my friend and all so I don't begrudge him the help, but I can't help feeling a little abandoned that no one really helped me. I've had that donation button up on my site since I was diagnosed, and it had one hit.

I'm not trying to make you people feel guilty or anything. This is my blog, and I'm venting. So don't make any changes on account of these statements. I'm just feeling jealous that Dude was able to get help, and I wasn't. I'm jealous that people care about him and not about me. I'm upset because the people I'm really close to that would have helped are all broke and/or welfare recipients. And I'm pissed that I didn't go to college and get rich and not have to be in this damn situation in the first place.

I'm having a bad day.

Wish me luck with the lawyer.

Radiation

This post is all about my radiation treatments. I have pictures of all the people, and the big machine that does the job. Enjoy... :)

This is the Check-in Lady.

(I wish I knew everybody's name...)

This is the Dressing Room

This is me, in the dressing room.

This is the Waiting Room.

Gown Wearers Only!!

The Radiation Techs.

Jen

Rick

and last but not least... Jeff

The Radiation.

The machine

The view from the table

Tuesdays.

Every Tuesday I get to see the radiation oncologist for a checkup.

Nurse Lynn

Dr. Gemmell

Boob Story

I'll finish the story soon, promise! Been a little preoccupied. TTYL!

My Ex-Boobs - Part 2

Note: This was written about an event that happened last week, on July 10th, 2008.

...it's still fun to ride inthe bed...

Wheeling into the anesthesia waiting room, (Yes, there's a separate room for that stuff..lol) looking around, I see so much stuff in the hallways. It's like they ran out of storage or something. The hallways have so much stuff in them its hard for the nurse to navigate me through.


Even though I'm shaking from fear of the foot IV, it's still fun to ride in the bed and having someone push you around.


They wheeled me to the middle of the anesthesia room. It's just big enough for three beds, and the last two times I had surgery I was on the end by the door. It's weird to be in the middle this time, and I comment on that to the nurse. She doesn't answer me back, I'm not sure she heard me. Oh well.


There are two doctors in here. One is the anesthesia doctor that's supposed to set up my IV. I tell them that I have an extreme fear of needles and that I'm freaking out a little about the foot IV. I tell them that I'm shaking too. He kinda laughs about that and asks why they said I would get a foot IV.

I say, "I dunno, they said you told them to."


He says he doesn't need to do that. It would only be if they were taking out lymph nodes on both sides, and since they're not, he won't need to. Immediately I feel relieved and the shaking subsides a little. He tells me that he's going to give me a painkiller shot before putting in the IV, and I'm dubious about this. I'm thinking that I don't want to get poked twice! NO way. I tell him about this thought, and the other doctor says it's a good thing that he's doing this. The first one is really small, and I won't feel the second one.

He injects the small needle into my hand, and it pinches a little, nothing drastic though. Then after 30 seconds or so he tells me he's starting the second one. I'm all prepped for what a normal IV feels like and then... it's over. I didn't feel a thing. I'm elated inside, and so grateful that he gave me that little numbing shot. Wow. I'd never known it could be that easy!!


They give me some drugs, antibiotics, benedryl, and some other stuff. I tell him about the last surgeries I was in and that one I could remember all the way to the operating room, but the other I could only remember to the anesthesia room. He says that's because the drugs I'm getting play tricks with my memory.


I vaguely remember moving from my bed to the operating table, and them putting up the arm rests.



That's it for now. I'll try and get more in later, or tomorrow.

My Ex-Boobs - Part 1

Note: This was written about an event that happened last week, on July 10th, 2008.

...positives like not having to wear a bra...

It's early Thursday morning. I have to get up and shower with the special soap so I'll be ready for surgery. I'm supposed to be there at 6:45 AM. Man that's early. I'm awake at about 6 o'clock. I figured that would be enough time to shower and use the special soap. I can't eat, not supposed to eat past midnight the night before.


I walk into the kitchen to get a small glass of water. Gotta make sure I take my breathing meds today. Breathing is very important during surgery. My stomach is growling, but it's okay, It'll only be for a little while. I take my shower, wash with the special anti-bacterial soap, and get dressed.


Sitting on the couch, waiting for Rob to wake up, crying a little for the inevitable loss of my boobs. Trying to think of the positives, like not having to wear a bra, or those cool little strapless tank top things. Trying to put this into perspective. It's only a couple of fat balls on my chest that fill out my bra, and what is that really, compared to saving my life from cancer? Will I really be missing all that much?


Staring at the clock. Time is going by so slow. I wish it was just time already, and that I was in the oblivion of anesthesia already.


Rob's finally up, I can hear the bedroom door open, then the bathroom door closes. It won't be long now till we go. I make my last minute preparations. I gather my iPod, and my DS, and make sure my meds are all packed up. I get my hat ready, and grab my crayons and coloring book in case I get bored in the hospital. I put my keys in my purse, and open the front door. It's awfully hot in here, dang.


I hear the bathroom door open, and Rob comes out. I tell him that I don't want to go, I'm scared. Mostly I'm afraid that I'll die on the operating table. He reminds me that it's all for the better good. The doctors cleared my heart for surgery, so I should be ok. Still though, I have that doom feeling you get right before something bad happens. There's nothing I can do though. It's either go through with it or die slowly from the cancer, right?


We drove quietly to the hospital. He got me for a couple slug-bugs on the way. We parked pretty close and we went inside.


In through the ER, up the elevator to the 2nd floor, and checked in with the receptionist. Watched that show "It's me or the dog" on Animal planet, in the waiting room while waiting to get called back to prep for surgery. Talked to the check-in lady to get the insurance papers signed, then went back to get prepped.
This is my 3rd surgery this year, so it's all pretty second hat to me now. Been there - done that, sort of thing. We get to the little temporary room, and I put on my purple bear gown. They say that since I'm having surgery on both sides, that they'll need to put the IV in my foot. They don't like using the port for that. I really didn't want them to use the port either, bad memories and all that. I wasn't sure about the foot thing though. That just sounded creepy. I almost teared up just thinking about it. I even started shaking from the fear of it.


They said that the anesthesiologist wanted to do the IV though, so they wouldn't be doing it right then. They took my temp with this rolling thingy they ran across my forehead. They took my blood pressure. Then the Teds and Scuds... lol. What are Teds and Scuds, you ask? The Teds are long white stocking things that keep compression to help with circulation. The Scuds (that word may be spelled wrong, but that's what it sounds like) are these weird over-wrappings that feel like a low pressure blood pressure cuff. They go all the way up past your knee, and they massage your legs, also for circulation.


They tested my blood sugar, with one of those finger-prickers. They said I was anemic. I got some oral meds, for something. I can't remember what now. They were about to take me back, so Rob left, to return after it's over.


That's it for now. I'll try and get more in later, or tomorrow.

Typing is alot of work.

Ok, here's the deal. I've been meaning to catch up on my blogging for a couple of weeks now. I had surgery on Valentine's day, and am now going through chemo. In reality it's just so hard to move, much less sit here and type as much as I want to. So I will try to update this more often, but no promises. At some point when I'm feeling a bit better I'll do some backdated posts to cover the 14th to today, it's an interesting couple of weeks, lemme tell ya.
Anyway, I'm off for now. TTYL.

Cuppy Cakes and Surgery

...scared that they'll say I need to pay before I get treatment.

It's time for me to blog again. I have an update on my health, in case anybody wants to know. I have surgery to remove a lymph node on Thursday, and they'll also be putting in a port to make it easier to administer chemo. Which I should start a few days after that. This whole thing is phenomenally expensive. I'm anticipating a $4,500 + medical bill. Oh well, as long as I live through it I'll have plenty of time to pay them off I suppose.

I can't say that I'm not totally scared that they'll say I need to pay before I can get treatment. That would suck.

Anyway, so after the surgery, at some point I'm supposed to have an mri or something, depending on what my insurance will approve. I'm not looking forward to it because the last time I had one of those it was really scary. Of course, the last time was right after an accident and they wanted to rule out internal bleeding, so I was already freaked out from being there in the first place.

Well, that's all for today. I'll try to update a little more often, I'll tell you how my surgery went and how my chemo goes, depending on how I feel those days.

Thanks for listening. Oh, and I put up a donation button if you would like to donate to my treatment. If I get more than I need for my treatment, the rest will be donated to cancer research.

Ouch.

...They made sure I was the right person...

Surgery is over. It wasn't as bad as I'd thought it would be. It hurts now though! lol.

Here's how it went down. Thursday morning we got up bright and early. I took a shower, washing first with regular soap, then again with the special anti-bacterial soap I was given. It didn't smell so great, but it wasn't as bad as it could have been, I suppose.

After that we drove over to the hospital and my boyfriend dropped me off. He waited around for a bit, but they had stuff to do that he couldn't be back there for and he had to get the kids off to school.

My surgery was scheduled for 9:15 AM, and I got there just before 7:15 AM, which is when they told me to be there. I signed in and waited. They made sure I was the right person, and that my paperwork was in order, then they sent me back to get my gown on and whatnot.

I got on my gown in this little cubby of a room... well, not so much a room as a bed with curtains around it. The gown was really cool, there was this hose that you could hook up to the gown to make yourself warmer or cooler, like your own personal atmosphere. I got some little bootie slippers and talked to a nurse. They asked me those, when have you eaten last? and when did you last drink something? and all that.

Around 8 something, a nurse came over and said they were ready for me. Ready for me?? WTF? I wasn't supposed to go till 9:15!! They hadn't even gotten my IV in yet. So they picked up the pace, got my IV in and took me over to the Operating room.
I was so panicked about that IV, but the lady did a good job distracting me, and they numbed it before sticking in the actual IV.

It wasn't as big as you see on TV, but it was still cool, with all those lights and stuff. I made some jokes with the anesthesia guy and the attending nurse lady. They put me on a new table, like a plank really. It fit ok, but it was kind of nerve wrecking being on such a small table.

My arms were put up on these black boards that were away from the bed, like straight cactus arms. They put on a blood pressure cuff, and some of those sticky monitoring things, and I watched it all. The last thing I remember was verbally noting that my left arm looked blotchy from the antibiotics I was given.

Then, I woke up! There was a nurse talking to me about something... she asked me some questions, like who was supposed to pick me up. I remember it took a minute for me to answer here because it was hard to focus my thoughts. I looked at the clock and it was only 10'ish. That was good because, they'd told me it would be 5-6 hours. It was actually only a couple of hours, which gave me more time at home! Yay me!

They let me sit there for a minute, then I went back to recovery - the bed with the curtain around it. The BF came in to hang out with me and I ate some crackers, drank some juice, and had some pills. MMMMMmmmm... hee hee.

Then I went home! I'm on pain pills now, and yes, it hurts. I'm trying not to take too much because the big drugs I was given are supposed to be addictive. That, and I can't drive while I'm taking them. So I have to be off them by Monday so I can go to work. I may be late that day though... depends on how I feel.


Well, that's it for today. That was alot of typing. lol

175 65 R14

...We got a free air filter!

I have been running on a donut tire for the last two weeks. Just after payday the real tire went flat and refused to be inflated again. Arg. Not only that, they were really starting to go bald. That particular tire was just awful. After calling around we found that Walmart was the cheapest for purchase and install. It was $50 for the works per tire. We got two. We really need four, but the other two will just have to wait till next month. I think they'll be ok, honestly.

While we were there, we also got the windshield wipers replaced, and my front-left headlight fixed (I was a "beer" for about 3-4 weeks) and... oh! We also got our air filter replaced... by accident. lol - They apparently thought we needed it, and replaced it thinking that's what they were supposed to do, but we hadn't actually ordered it, nor were we going to pay for something we didn't ask for. We got a free air filter!

The guy said that the old one was really gross anyway, and it was due for a change. I was planning on doing that next month anyway, so I wasn't upset that it was done... for FREE. :)

More News

Oh, also... I'm getting the lump removed from my boob tomorrow. I'll be totally knocked out, so I'm not too worried. Ok. I'm freakin' freaked out! They're going to stick needles in me and cut open my skin like a piece of meat! O M G.

I'll probably be crying from the stress later today, but for now I'm doing ok. Trying not to think about it. Cause, I'm super excited that the lump is getting removed and that I'll have my normal squishy-ness back again (with an added scar). Also, this is a prelude to a much scarier operation in a few months - the Lap-Band surgery. So this will be a taste of what it'll be like when they knock me out to go into my gut and add parts to it.

Also, I get the next two days off! So I'll be able to relax all day Friday and not have to worry about anything but pain medicine! Hee hee.

Well, that's all for today... right now... this moment. Hope you are all having a great day. Thanks for reading!

I can haz brain now?

I called the doctor today that my PCP recommended. When I got through, I found out that he'd given me the wrong number !?!

So, I looked for some similar doctors through my insurance doc finder. I ended up finding the doctor I was looking for, he's Dr. John Young, and got his phone number.
I called and left a message but he hasn't returned the call yet.

I was planning on waiting till after New Year's to get the lump removed but it's hurting now, and I'm not good with pain. So, hopefully he can get me in within a week or so. Hopefully it won't mess up Christmas.

Ok, on to other things. I also was very inspired by a customer of mine today. So inspired I made a new avatar for my yahoo instant messenger. I liked it so much I decided to put it up here for your enjoyment too. Tell me what you think, ok? Oh! Feel free to download it and share it too. I found the base picture on Google somewhere. I'd give a credit link, but I can't remember where I got it.

If you look closely at the little screen in front of the monkey, that's a screen shot from my own computer, on one of the programs I support. I often feel like my customers are that monkey. lol.

I'm not dead yet.

...The biopsy was almost as horrible as I'dimagined...

   So I'm probably ok. They did the biopsy last week and now I'm just waiting for the results. When the doc was in my boob looking around he found that the lump appears to just be really thick blood. (EWWW!) He also said that it should just go away on it's own. My boob hurt for the whole last week, it's just now starting to feel better. I don't have to step back when people get too close anymore.
   The biopsy was almost as horrible as I'd imagined it. Well, not really, it wasn't that bad after the first two needles, after that it was just weird. He wasn't able to do as much as he wanted; I think he wanted to remove it by sucking it out through a needle. They didn't have any needles the right size to do it with.

   So. I've decided to better myself. Not fully because of the C-word scare, but also because other people around me were doing stuff that I got involved in. My BF's sister was trying to get enrolled in college, and I was helping her with the stuff I've done already, like getting my fafsa pin and filling out the fafsa. We were talking about going to the Art Institute Online, which I would still like to go to, but the cost is too high. I compared that to the local community college and the price seemed to be less, so I signed up over there instead.
   You see how I kinda got drawn in? Anyway, I also decided (and this was closely related to the C-word scare) that I want to get weight-loss surgery if it turned out that I didn't have boob-cancer. Lap-Band surgery to be specific. I qualify, with a BMI of 42. Yeesh. I didn't realize I'd become such a tub-o-lard. I checked out my insurance, and they will cover most of it if I pre-qualify and I have a BMI over 40. Which... I do.
   I'm going to a seminar for it tomorrow night. They'll give me info that I already know, I'm sure... but I have to go in order to start the process. After that I'll call my insurance to start the pre-qualification process. I'm figuring that they'll only pay 90%, which means that I'll have to put up the extra 1000 bucks over that. I'm going to also have to follow a special diet regime for 6 months prior to the actual surgery. They do that to make sure you'll actually keep the weight off after getting the surgery so it's not a waste of time and money.

   That's all for now. I hope you are all having a great day. Oh, and one more thing. I'm going to try to do a video log of the whole surgery thing and post it to YouTube so keep an eye out for it. *hugs*

No Result Yet...

...I'm not allowed to take my daily ibuprofen because it's a blood thinner...

I had a mammogram on Friday. They found a solid mass about 3 cm wide. It was weird looking, all rounded and lumpy. The Dr. said that based on my age and its shape, it's probably a granulomaluma (I don't remember the actual word, but that's close!). Which means it's probably just filled with a thick liquid, like blood or puss.
So, the deal is, that on Tuesday I go in again to have them do a needle biopsy just to be sure. They'll poke about 8 holes in my boob from different angles and if possible they'll suck some of that stuff out so they can have a look. He said that if that doesn't work, because it's too thick or solid they'll use a bigger needle..... which, by his description is HUGE. I'm not allowed to take my daily ibuprofen because it's a blood thinner... That's got to be a pretty big needle.
Ok, so I'm gone for now. TTYL

Nervous

...afraid it's going to have to beremovedor worse...

I found a lump. I found it a week ago. I hoped it was going to go away. Maybe it wasn't what I thought it was. Nope. It's still there. Still screaming at me to go to the doctor. I need to go have it looked at. I'm afraid they're going to tell me it's awful. That it's going to have to be removed or worse, that what's around it will be. I'm afraid they'll say I need chemo, or surgery, or both. I hate needles, I have a very large fear of being cut into. I'm afraid they're going to give me anesthesia and it's not going to work, but not till after they freeze me in place so I can't move or scream and then they'll cut into me and I'll feel it.
I won't be the same after that. I'll snap and go crazy...... lol omg. I found a lump. I had to share it so, here, I'm sharing it with the world.