Almost over.

...I had my last chemo onFriday the 13th...

I had my last chemo on Friday the 13th. If I was a superstitious person this might have been a bad omen, I am not. So far things are going well. I'm looking at getting a mastectomy during the first or second week of July. I've ask that it be a double. Why, you ask? because I'd rather be even on both sides, I think that being flat-chested would be less traumatic than being a lop-sided freak (No offense to those out there that may have chosen to be single breasted, this is just my opinion of my own appearance sans one boob.)
Aside from appearances though, because of the type of cancer I have, the aggressive kind, I felt it was safer to bet on the cautious side by removing both. Meaning, if I have no boobs, I can't get breast cancer again.... capiche?

I have also set up some talks with a plastic surgeon a la reconstruction. I would like to get immediate reconstruction if they'll let me. They will take flesh from my stomach to make me new barbie-boobs. I've been told that in my case they may not want to do it that way. I was told I may have to wait a year for reconstruction. I'm really really hoping that this is a recommendation, and not a "must wait" thing.

I'm looking forward to the lightened weight on my chest area, it opens up a whole new realm of shirt-wear for me... oh and the bra's!! I can wear those cutsie little bras with all the lace and tiny straps. That, my friends, will be awesome. Big boobs are cumbersome, and mine particularly were difficult to find bras for. I was (am) a 38DDD aka 38F depending on where you shop. And until I gained this last 20 lbs I was a 36DDD. Which is a damn hard to find bra. You almost have to special order them to get the right fit, or wear ones that don't quite fit right. I have several in my drawer that were failure-buys that I thought would work and didn't.

Typing is alot of work.

Ok, here's the deal. I've been meaning to catch up on my blogging for a couple of weeks now. I had surgery on Valentine's day, and am now going through chemo. In reality it's just so hard to move, much less sit here and type as much as I want to. So I will try to update this more often, but no promises. At some point when I'm feeling a bit better I'll do some backdated posts to cover the 14th to today, it's an interesting couple of weeks, lemme tell ya.
Anyway, I'm off for now. TTYL.

Cuppy Cakes and Surgery

...scared that they'll say I need to pay before I get treatment.

It's time for me to blog again. I have an update on my health, in case anybody wants to know. I have surgery to remove a lymph node on Thursday, and they'll also be putting in a port to make it easier to administer chemo. Which I should start a few days after that. This whole thing is phenomenally expensive. I'm anticipating a $4,500 + medical bill. Oh well, as long as I live through it I'll have plenty of time to pay them off I suppose.

I can't say that I'm not totally scared that they'll say I need to pay before I can get treatment. That would suck.

Anyway, so after the surgery, at some point I'm supposed to have an mri or something, depending on what my insurance will approve. I'm not looking forward to it because the last time I had one of those it was really scary. Of course, the last time was right after an accident and they wanted to rule out internal bleeding, so I was already freaked out from being there in the first place.

Well, that's all for today. I'll try to update a little more often, I'll tell you how my surgery went and how my chemo goes, depending on how I feel those days.

Thanks for listening. Oh, and I put up a donation button if you would like to donate to my treatment. If I get more than I need for my treatment, the rest will be donated to cancer research.

Diagnosis.

...I have breast cancer....

I have breast cancer. I don't really want to talk about it, because it upsets me. Please don't bring it up to me, if I want to talk about it to you, I will.

I was diagnosed Monday, Feb 4th. They say I have a 90% chance if I do all my chemo and stuff. I'm starting that sometime next week.

This is all I know for now, I will update later if anything changes. If you want to leave comments you can, but I can't guarantee I will read them or respond to them.

Thanks for your cooperation. Love ya all!

I can haz brain now?

I called the doctor today that my PCP recommended. When I got through, I found out that he'd given me the wrong number !?!

So, I looked for some similar doctors through my insurance doc finder. I ended up finding the doctor I was looking for, he's Dr. John Young, and got his phone number.
I called and left a message but he hasn't returned the call yet.

I was planning on waiting till after New Year's to get the lump removed but it's hurting now, and I'm not good with pain. So, hopefully he can get me in within a week or so. Hopefully it won't mess up Christmas.

Ok, on to other things. I also was very inspired by a customer of mine today. So inspired I made a new avatar for my yahoo instant messenger. I liked it so much I decided to put it up here for your enjoyment too. Tell me what you think, ok? Oh! Feel free to download it and share it too. I found the base picture on Google somewhere. I'd give a credit link, but I can't remember where I got it.

If you look closely at the little screen in front of the monkey, that's a screen shot from my own computer, on one of the programs I support. I often feel like my customers are that monkey. lol.

I'm not dead yet.

...The biopsy was almost as horrible as I'dimagined...

   So I'm probably ok. They did the biopsy last week and now I'm just waiting for the results. When the doc was in my boob looking around he found that the lump appears to just be really thick blood. (EWWW!) He also said that it should just go away on it's own. My boob hurt for the whole last week, it's just now starting to feel better. I don't have to step back when people get too close anymore.
   The biopsy was almost as horrible as I'd imagined it. Well, not really, it wasn't that bad after the first two needles, after that it was just weird. He wasn't able to do as much as he wanted; I think he wanted to remove it by sucking it out through a needle. They didn't have any needles the right size to do it with.

   So. I've decided to better myself. Not fully because of the C-word scare, but also because other people around me were doing stuff that I got involved in. My BF's sister was trying to get enrolled in college, and I was helping her with the stuff I've done already, like getting my fafsa pin and filling out the fafsa. We were talking about going to the Art Institute Online, which I would still like to go to, but the cost is too high. I compared that to the local community college and the price seemed to be less, so I signed up over there instead.
   You see how I kinda got drawn in? Anyway, I also decided (and this was closely related to the C-word scare) that I want to get weight-loss surgery if it turned out that I didn't have boob-cancer. Lap-Band surgery to be specific. I qualify, with a BMI of 42. Yeesh. I didn't realize I'd become such a tub-o-lard. I checked out my insurance, and they will cover most of it if I pre-qualify and I have a BMI over 40. Which... I do.
   I'm going to a seminar for it tomorrow night. They'll give me info that I already know, I'm sure... but I have to go in order to start the process. After that I'll call my insurance to start the pre-qualification process. I'm figuring that they'll only pay 90%, which means that I'll have to put up the extra 1000 bucks over that. I'm going to also have to follow a special diet regime for 6 months prior to the actual surgery. They do that to make sure you'll actually keep the weight off after getting the surgery so it's not a waste of time and money.

   That's all for now. I hope you are all having a great day. Oh, and one more thing. I'm going to try to do a video log of the whole surgery thing and post it to YouTube so keep an eye out for it. *hugs*

No Result Yet...

...I'm not allowed to take my daily ibuprofen because it's a blood thinner...

I had a mammogram on Friday. They found a solid mass about 3 cm wide. It was weird looking, all rounded and lumpy. The Dr. said that based on my age and its shape, it's probably a granulomaluma (I don't remember the actual word, but that's close!). Which means it's probably just filled with a thick liquid, like blood or puss.
So, the deal is, that on Tuesday I go in again to have them do a needle biopsy just to be sure. They'll poke about 8 holes in my boob from different angles and if possible they'll suck some of that stuff out so they can have a look. He said that if that doesn't work, because it's too thick or solid they'll use a bigger needle..... which, by his description is HUGE. I'm not allowed to take my daily ibuprofen because it's a blood thinner... That's got to be a pretty big needle.
Ok, so I'm gone for now. TTYL

Nervous

...afraid it's going to have to beremovedor worse...

I found a lump. I found it a week ago. I hoped it was going to go away. Maybe it wasn't what I thought it was. Nope. It's still there. Still screaming at me to go to the doctor. I need to go have it looked at. I'm afraid they're going to tell me it's awful. That it's going to have to be removed or worse, that what's around it will be. I'm afraid they'll say I need chemo, or surgery, or both. I hate needles, I have a very large fear of being cut into. I'm afraid they're going to give me anesthesia and it's not going to work, but not till after they freeze me in place so I can't move or scream and then they'll cut into me and I'll feel it.
I won't be the same after that. I'll snap and go crazy...... lol omg. I found a lump. I had to share it so, here, I'm sharing it with the world.