Almost over.

...I had my last chemo onFriday the 13th...

I had my last chemo on Friday the 13th. If I was a superstitious person this might have been a bad omen, I am not. So far things are going well. I'm looking at getting a mastectomy during the first or second week of July. I've ask that it be a double. Why, you ask? because I'd rather be even on both sides, I think that being flat-chested would be less traumatic than being a lop-sided freak (No offense to those out there that may have chosen to be single breasted, this is just my opinion of my own appearance sans one boob.)
Aside from appearances though, because of the type of cancer I have, the aggressive kind, I felt it was safer to bet on the cautious side by removing both. Meaning, if I have no boobs, I can't get breast cancer again.... capiche?

I have also set up some talks with a plastic surgeon a la reconstruction. I would like to get immediate reconstruction if they'll let me. They will take flesh from my stomach to make me new barbie-boobs. I've been told that in my case they may not want to do it that way. I was told I may have to wait a year for reconstruction. I'm really really hoping that this is a recommendation, and not a "must wait" thing.

I'm looking forward to the lightened weight on my chest area, it opens up a whole new realm of shirt-wear for me... oh and the bra's!! I can wear those cutsie little bras with all the lace and tiny straps. That, my friends, will be awesome. Big boobs are cumbersome, and mine particularly were difficult to find bras for. I was (am) a 38DDD aka 38F depending on where you shop. And until I gained this last 20 lbs I was a 36DDD. Which is a damn hard to find bra. You almost have to special order them to get the right fit, or wear ones that don't quite fit right. I have several in my drawer that were failure-buys that I thought would work and didn't.

No more. Please.

...I know I'm whining I'm sorry.

Tomorrow I go in for #4 in a series of 6 chemo treatments. I cried today and told my BF that I didn't want to go. I still don't. I'd cancel if death wasn't on the other side of that line. I hate this. I'm so tired of being sick. I'm tired of the thousands of dollars in bills that I'm accumulating. My last bill from the Oncologist was over a grand. And then on top of it, they get to torture me. I am not a happy Angi.

I've been feeling sick for the last two days, and I've not yet had my chemo, so it's all stress. I know, I'm whining. I'm sorry.

Typing is alot of work.

Ok, here's the deal. I've been meaning to catch up on my blogging for a couple of weeks now. I had surgery on Valentine's day, and am now going through chemo. In reality it's just so hard to move, much less sit here and type as much as I want to. So I will try to update this more often, but no promises. At some point when I'm feeling a bit better I'll do some backdated posts to cover the 14th to today, it's an interesting couple of weeks, lemme tell ya.
Anyway, I'm off for now. TTYL.

Diagnosis.

...I have breast cancer....

I have breast cancer. I don't really want to talk about it, because it upsets me. Please don't bring it up to me, if I want to talk about it to you, I will.

I was diagnosed Monday, Feb 4th. They say I have a 90% chance if I do all my chemo and stuff. I'm starting that sometime next week.

This is all I know for now, I will update later if anything changes. If you want to leave comments you can, but I can't guarantee I will read them or respond to them.

Thanks for your cooperation. Love ya all!

Nervous

...afraid it's going to have to beremovedor worse...

I found a lump. I found it a week ago. I hoped it was going to go away. Maybe it wasn't what I thought it was. Nope. It's still there. Still screaming at me to go to the doctor. I need to go have it looked at. I'm afraid they're going to tell me it's awful. That it's going to have to be removed or worse, that what's around it will be. I'm afraid they'll say I need chemo, or surgery, or both. I hate needles, I have a very large fear of being cut into. I'm afraid they're going to give me anesthesia and it's not going to work, but not till after they freeze me in place so I can't move or scream and then they'll cut into me and I'll feel it.
I won't be the same after that. I'll snap and go crazy...... lol omg. I found a lump. I had to share it so, here, I'm sharing it with the world.