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Thursday, August 26, 2004

Breaking down.

It's getting harder and harder to cope with all the changes around me. I don't deal well with sudden change. Long term I can usually handle it, but the more changes get piled up all at once the faster I head towards a break down.
Right now, this moment I feel all at the same time like I want to cry; curl into a ball on the floor and rock; scream and throw heavy objects; or have really heavy sex. I don't feel at all calm. Anxiety is high and it doesn't feel like I have any time to rest. It's like time is going in fast-forward and the controller is broken so I can't switch it back.
For the last few days I've been scratching at nothing on my face. I have what looks like a rash across my forehead. I want to cry but I can't seem to do it. I feel it burning behind my eyes but it doesn't come out.

On Sunday my ex asked me if I might want to be his roomate after the shop shuts down in October. I told him I'd think about it.

It's a good thing that tomorrow is Friday. I'm not sure that I could handle much more of this. Each day that passes brings me closer to the end of all of this tumultuous moving and shaking. I'll then resume some sort of normalcy and get back to life.

String Theory

I'm watching a show on string theory now. It's much calmer than the creepy old people. It's actually making me feel much better than I was before. I wish that I could watch science stuff all the time.

This one's cool. It's got some early photos of Einstein. He was kinda cute! LOL

I need to know more!!! Gimme more string theory! I should have been a science major.

I'm going to finish watching this now. Good-nite


3 comments:

Jason Mulgrew said...

intense!

love,
jason mulgrew
internet quasi-celebrity

WNW said...

who the hell is Jason Mulgrew? He sounds familiar. Or is that Kate Mulgrew. I thought I was the only one who could post comments!

also, what the hell is "heavy sex"? Is that like sex on a bench press? I know of the hard, dirty and nasty varieties but not heavy

also, Symantec jobs you need to apply for are 041650 and 041383. Send me a resume and I will pimp it like no tomorrow.

Come work with me again, everything will be good. Free soda!

Angi said...

I had an answer back to all those things you said, but I lost it! Miss you lots Nathan.