Tuesday, September 02, 2003

Let's see... The weekend. My little girl came over to my house for the weekend. She's not so little anymore. She's six now. And very tall. She's definately daddy's girl though, and I'm glad she lives with him. She is very happy there.
We went to CSz. We fed the ducks at the park by my house. It was great.

Monday the angi's-available-let's-get-her-to-babysit alarm was flashing. My friend Esther asked me to watch her kids, I talked my way out of that one and then my mom showed up and asked me to watch my brother (he's 10). She seemed so needy and she offered to let me use her car. I LOVE to drive, so that deal was sealed after we had a talk with my brother about his behavior. He usually is a horrible brat.
We bought some slurpies and then went to see a movie. It was so funny when I told him we could do both, he made the comment that "How do you have enough money to go to a movie AND buy a slurpie?!" LOL - that was the cutest thing my brother has ever said.

So, today... my friend Michelle showed up at work with her son Caleb. He's so cute. And it happened again.
What, you say? That urge. You know, to have another baby. Ick. I don't know what's wrong with me, but for the last few months I've really wanted to have another one. I don't know why. I'm not in the position to do it. I won't do it. Not anytime soon at least.

See, I have this fear. I have two kids. One who doesn't really have a dad. His dad left when he was still in the womb. I haven't talked to his dad since he was two months old. I grew up without a dad. It's not a happy thing, let me tell you. So I can imagine what it feels like to be him.
When I got together with my daughter's father, my son has gotten attached to him. He calls him dad, and loves him. My ex feels the same way about him. He loves him, he even has visitation. And when my son refers to his dad, that's who he's talking about. BUT, I don't want another baby like that. One that doesn't have a dad that lives with us. I want to be married. I want the father to be responsible. I refuse to be involved with another flake.
SO -- anyway, I do. I want another baby. I want to make up for what I messed up on with my daughter. There's more to that statement.... later maybe, I'll get into that...

No comments: