Tuesday, November 25, 2003

I know, I know...

I said I would be here more. I said I would tell you more. I said I would type and type and type and type more. No, I haven't done it. No, I probably won't do it anytime soon. I'm busy, busy as can be. Tired as hell and busy. Thanksgiving is the day after tomorrow. We're having a family Turkey day at my little sister's house. The first of those that we've had since I was 22.

The last time we all got together as a family for a holiday meal, my sisters, Laura and Mary, were 12 and 7, my brother Nick and my son were both three and my mom only had one grandchild. I was living with my mom at the time and we all lived in a little two bedroom apartment in Eugene, right across from Underbridge Park.

My grandmother Gini was alive back then, she lived way down in the southwest, in Tucson, Arizona. My uncle Bud still lived in Phoenix, and my uncle Travis still had a real job and wasn't a skeez druggie.

I was keeping in touch with my cousins (on my Dad's side) and they were doing well. My aunt was just about to purchase a house on the southside of Tucson. My 'cousin' Manuel wasn't very long out of highschool and hadn't gone to prison yet, and my friend Esther only had one child, Ariel.

...Alot has changed.

As of this year, my son is 10, and my daughter is 6. My brother is 10. My sisters are now 19 and 14. The older of whom now has three beautiful daughters of her own. My mother is the grandmother of five. My grandmother has been passed away for years now. My uncle Bud has moved to Ohio, and since divorced his wife (who was one of my aunts for my whole life) and married another woman of the same name as his first wife. My uncle Travis has dissappeared, the last time I saw him he was missing teeth and running anytime he thought a cop was near.

On my Dad's side of the family - My Aunt Dodo has bought her house, and is doing quite well. My father's mother has since been in the hospital with hearth problems and I never even went to see her.

My 'cousin' Manuel (my mothers, best-friends, son... who may as well be my cousin) has gone to prison for what I've heard was murder. He'll be away for many years.
I miss you Manny.

My friend Esther now has another child and lives in a wonderful home in west Eugene. She's doing well most of the time.

Now me, I live in Springfield - aka Springtucky - in a small apartment. I'm recovering from a very long relationship. Slowly, but it's coming along. I finally feel that I could face a new friendship with a man without the hangups that plagued me a year ago. I feel more at ease with myself and my place in life. I no longer feel the need to place my happiness in the hands of anybody but myself. I do the things I want to do. I can be neurotic as much as I wish and no longer feel as though I'm inconveniencing anybody by being this way. I love myself more. I treat myself better. I buy the things I want and save money when I feel the need. I'm just short of real happiness. I'm still missing some things, and still not quite adjusted to my skin. But in time I'm sure that these things will pass.

Life is getting better, for me at least..

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